June 16, 2016
It is evening and Jonah has had an incredibly tough day with sickness. He is now experiencing a terrible combination of physical sickness and a feeling of being emotionally destitute. His CNA was an older woman who stated she was from “Central Staffing”, which means she works wherever they need her within the two DRMC campuses. She was sitting outside the door of his room, just staring at him from the doorway; this really really really bugs me especially when I walk in and see him suffering! When I walked into his room he was lying in a twisted state. The head of the bed was slightly raised with his head resting in the crook of the bend against a corner of his pillow. One shoulder was also set inside the bend, and the rest of his body sat at an angle across the bed, where he had to keep his left leg bent to the center of the bed to keep it on the mattress. His shirt was wadded under his back and pulled up to the center of his back, exposing his stomach and pulling the sleeves tight across his upper arms and shoulders. He had the blue emesis bag lying across his stomach and he was fiddling with it. I asked him if he was uncomfortable and he motioned with his hand, so-so. I asked him if he was afraid to be moved for getting sick and he motioned, “Yes”. His shirt being up exposed multiple bruises, which spanned his entire width of his stomach, just above the waistband of his shorts, from the multiple shots he is given there each day. His mouth had thick saliva at the corners when he moved his lips and his lips were dry and peeling.
What in the world are we to do to alleviate Jo’s sickness? I told Jo to cry out to Jesus for help. I used the example of Zach. Before he was brought in to have his burn sights scraped, he would pray and tell the Lord, “I can do this with your help”!
June 19, 2016
As I have talked to the doctors about the suggestions for treatments, various people have written me about, including the treatment for placing the crystals in the inner ear, back in place, I have found out that Jonah has already been treated with every one of them and has been given every drug known to help with his issues. A few weeks back, Dr. Physical Therapist said he was going to be attending a conference in Salt Lake City and was hoping he would be given some treatment options he wasn’t aware of, to help Jo. At this point Jo has gotten minimal relief.
The weekend was more of the same, if Jonah is moved or moves he becomes very ill. We had good moments, struggled for peace through the trials, and gave thanks for the successes. I am surely being shown my weaknesses and wrestle with trying to be what Jonah and the rest of my children and husband need me to be. A line from one of the WORST movies I have every seen, “Bowfinger” goes through my mind a LOT, “Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together!!!” Sometimes I just don’t want to keep it together. Sometimes I feel so pushed to the edge that I want to fight back! “What is there to fight with?”, I ask. “Only myself”, is the answer. And it is really a fight between my fears vs my faith. I act like a spoiled bratty child when I don’t get what I want, when I ask. As I opened my fast last night I listened to a talk given by Jeffery R. Holland, which gave me so much strength. I can’t tell you how many times the words from this man have saved my life and given me the courage and encouragement to, “Cast not away therefore [my] confidence.” One of the sayings we put on Jonah’s hospital wall kept going through my mind too, “If you saw the size of the blessing coming, you would understand the magnitude of the trial you are experiencing”. I know this!! I have been the recipient of this many many times in my life. As I ended my fast, I was left with the feeling that great changes were coming in these next few weeks. I know that Jonah can be healed instantly, if it is God’s will. I know that His ways are higher than mine and it will all be according to His perfect timing.
Here are some of the words of Jeffery R. Holland from the April 2016 General Conference that screamed, “HANG ON”:
President George Q. Cannon once taught: “No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character [to do so]. … He will [always] stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we shall not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them.”9
Now, with that majestic devotion ringing from heaven as the great constant in our lives, manifested most purely and perfectly in the life, death, and Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, we can escape the consequences of both sin and stupidity—our own or that of others—in whatever form they may come to us in the course of daily living. If we give our heart to God, if we love the Lord Jesus Christ, if we do the best we can to live the gospel, then tomorrow—and every other day—is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we don’t always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be! He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant, and eternal life is the very object of His merciful plan for His children! It is a plan predicated on the truth “that all things work together for good to them that love God.”10 So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever.
“Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard?” Isaiah cried.
“[God] giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. …
“… They that wait upon [Him] shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles. …
“For … the Lord … God will hold [their] right hand, saying unto [them], Fear not; I will help thee.”11
. . . Remember Joshua’s encouragement to his people when they faced a daunting future. “Sanctify yourselves,” he said, “for to morrow the Lord will do wonders among you.”. . . I declare that same promise. . . . It is the promise of Him who performs those wonders, who is Himself “Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, ... The Prince of Peace.”